Posts tagged humour

Sex Ed. The Bear Facts. NSFWusses.

A NakedWombat video covering sex education in a cutesy sort of way.

 

 

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Joke Post – TheNakedWombat is a Creationist

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How To Become Famous

It has been a while since I posted anything here and during this time, Australia has gone back to Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister without an election and an election has been called for 7th of September this year.

Tomorrow(Sunday), I will be heading into Darling Harbour at Sydney for VidInc which is for Youtube. I am looking forward to meeting people I have been craving to meet for a very long time…hopefully we’ll meet.

In the meant time, here is my latest video creation uploaded to, TheNakedWombat today.

 

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Give Bees A Chance

Give Bees A Chance

Now here is a funny news feed to get on your phone.

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Using a cell/mobile phone on a train…the hazards of

Using a cell on a train…

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Eric. I’m on the train”. “Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not four thirty, but I had a long meeting”.

“No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart”

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the young woman sitting next to him had had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone………

“Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

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Understanding the Male Psyche

Understanding the Male Psyche

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband: “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6?”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

(If you’re female, I’m sure you’re going back to read it again. Males will get it the first time.)

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Fifty Shades of Grey Poem

Fifty Shades of Grey

My missus bought a paperback
In Asda, Saturday.
I had a look inside the bag –
‘Twas “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed.
An hour later, she appeared
Oh, the sight filled me with dread.

In her hand she held a rope,
The other, held a whip.
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip.

Well, forty years ago
I might have had a peek.
But Doris hasn’t weathered well –
She’s sixty-eight next week.

Watching Doris bump and grind
Couldn’t be much grimmer.
And things progressed from bad to worse –
She toppled off her Zimmer .

She struggled back up to her feet
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her.

Now if you knew our Doris, see,
You’d know just why I cringed.
I’d been two months in traction, ‘cos
My hips and knees unhinged.

She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit 
and, jumping back in fright, I went
And stood on her left t*t.

Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done ?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
“Step on the OTHER one”

Well reader, I can tell no more
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion.

Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She’s head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore.

Anon.

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Top 7 of impossible things to expect when you have kids

Top 7 of impossible things to expect when you have kids;

1. Doors are properly closed
2. Not hearing, Mum! Dad! while trying to watch a tv show or movie
3. Taps turn off right
4. A clean floor
5. A full matching dinner set
6. Sex on the dinner table
7. Unsecured jar of hash cookies

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A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATHS

Subject: A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH

He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

“Man, that guy is stupid,” I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That’s 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That’s 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That’s 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That’s 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger? I don’t think so

Be Safe & Laugh Often

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God explaining his creation to Archangle Michael(Joke)

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, — “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, —- “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, —- “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” — replied God, — and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test ‘Balance.'”

“Balance?” — inquired Michael, —- “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.
Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things…”

God continued pointing to different countries. — “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, — “What’s that one?”

“That’s Australia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from there are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hard working, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, — “But what about balance, God? You said there would be ‘balance.'”

God smiled, — “I will create Canberra. Wait till you see the idiots I’ll put there.”

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